This article examines the possibility that romantic love (with intensity, engagement, and sexual interest) can exist in long-term relationships. A review of taxonomies, theory, and research suggests that romantic love, without the obsession component typical of early stage romantic love, can and does exist in long-term marriages, and is associated with marital satisfaction, well-being, and high self-esteem.
Supporting the separate roles of romantic love and obsession in long-term relationships,
An analysis of a moderately large data set of community couples identified independent latent factors for romantic love and obsession and a subsample of individuals reporting very high levels of romantic love (but not obsession) even after controlling for social desirability. Finally, a meta-analysis of 25 relevant studies found that in long- and short-term relationships, romantic love (without obsession) was strongly associated with relationship satisfaction; but obsession was negatively correlated with it in long-term and positively in short-term relationships.
In contemporary Western culture, romantic love is deemed an
important part of marriage. Many individuals view romantic
love as a basis to marry (Dion & Dion, 1991) and its disappearance
as grounds to terminate marriage (Simpson, Campbell,
& Berscheid, 1986). Increasingly, romantic love and marriage
have come to be viewed as a source of self-fulfillment and
expression (Dion & Dion, 1991). Ironically though, it is widely
believed that over time romantic love fades and that at best it
evolves into a “warm afterglow” (Reik, 1944) of companionate
love, a friendship-type love. How then, could something that is
considered critical, if not the purpose of marrying, also be
assumed to die out inevitably?
Psychologists, therapists, and laypeople have puzzled over
the possibility of romantic love in long-term marriages. Some
have assumed that very high levels of romantic love in longterm
relationships might be inefficient, being metabolically
costly (e.g., Fisher, 2006) and perhaps even deterring the lover
from familial, work, and community obligations. Perhaps others
have been swayed by media reports highlighting the dark side
of love and marriage (e.g., high divorce rates, infidelity, stalking,
domestic violence, etc.). Last, maintaining the assumption
that romantic love cannot last allows those with good, but not
stellar relationships to maintain the status quo and avoid being
threatened by the possibility of high levels of love in long-term
In this article we argue that romantic love—with intensity,
engagement, and sexual interest— can last. Although it does not
usually include the obsessional qualities of early stage love, it does
not inevitably die out or at best turn into companionate love—a
warm, less intense love, devoid of attraction and sexual desire. We
suggest that romantic love in its later and early stages can share the
qualities of intensity, engagement, and sexual liveliness. We
briefly review relevant taxonomies, theoretical perspectives, and
research; present new analyses of an existing data set of long-term
couples; report a meta-analysis of the association of relationship
satisfaction with romantic love in long and short-term relationships;
review studies of long-term love’s relation to individual
well-being; and conclude with implications for theory, research,
and applications.
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